Living to the brink of insanity
by animeatemyfeels
Summary: What would you do if you were thrown into the Fullmetal Alchemist world but not when Ed and Al were born but even before the homunculus in the flask. Slight Mary sue also my first fanfiction! Solf J. Kimblee X OC! Very slow build. TW: Suicide, Suicidal thoughts, blood, and War.
1. Prologue: The awakening

What would you do if you were thrown into the Fullmetal Alchemist world but not when Ed and Al were born but even before the homunculus in the flask. What if you were like the Avatar of the world, what if you were the bridge between the humanity and the Truth. And if we are being honest how the hell does a human even make the homunculus in the flask without a little help. Might be Mary Sue but really who cares~ Solf J. Kimblee X OC. My first fanfiction~

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She gasped. The first thing she saw was a gentle glowing, like fireflies against the pitch black sky. It was strange she thought, her mind a cotton filled mess, this is what the universe looks like.

"Why am I here, I died, I know I did" she rasped, her voice like two grating stones "Maybe this is the afterlife, maybe this is hell because that's where I deserve to be".

"No my child you are destined for a far greater future, one that holds greater pain then your past life, and one that you will truly treasure" the new speaker's voice reverberated around the darkness the girl was floating in. It sounded remarkably like what she imagined a star would sound like, light and feminine but old, so very old, and just the slightest bit sad.

"Who are you? Are you God? Or Shiva? Or Allah? Or Parvati? Or are you my own hallucination" the girl wondered aloud in her muddled state.

"I am whomever you wish me to be, but some call me the Truth"


	2. Chapter 1: Second Life

Yo all~ IDK how I'm doing so far but if any of you have suggestions or comments or anything please review or pm me it means a lot~ QUESTION: How long should the Xing arch last? I will put up a poll! Thanks a lot everyone! Remember reviews are love! Enjoy.

In my first life I had made it to the grand age of 18. Now, I have lived to nearly 100 and am old and wrinkled. Maybe, I think to myself sometimes, that those 18 years were purely imagined. For as I look down at my wrinkled hands, full of scars and callouses, I see a lifetime of work and not that of a soft child's.

"Nai nai, Nai, nai!" a young boy in light orange happi coat and black shorts. He stumbles in his haste on a root.

I smile at him. He has distinct, spiky black hair that is barely held together in a little ponytail and slanted, narrow eyes. He also has my pale skin, more like a tan then the deep brown of the farmers and fisherman. Sometimes I wonder if my pale brown complexion and light hazel eyes are not illusions and that when I open my eyes I will see my usual dark skin and dull brown eyes. At least my hair is the same black-brown color, as silly as it sounds it is one of the things that keep me from losing myself.

"Calm down Jinhai" I placate my youngest grandchild. "You might make the spirits angry with all the ruckus you are making" I say only half joking.

I still remember the day my own daughter named him, after the sea which had looked like gold at the dawn of a new day. I knew that this child would always be as kind hearted as his father. Jinhai pants for breath, though he attempts to make less sound and ends up with a cherry red face for his troubles. Laughter bubbles from my usually hoarse throat and I gently touch his shoulder in assent.

"Ne~ don't worry so much the spirts get lonely now and then. They would like if someone as joyful as you came to play with them" I explain to him softly while gathering the bundle of herbs I had been out to collect.

"Ok Nai Nai, if you say so" he said blushing lightly. "But listen the big bad men have come again! They said that they want to take you away!" he cries, tears forming in hazel eyes, another trait of mine he had inherited.

"Don't worry my child it is just your foolish Uncle again. I will not abandon you or this village I made with my own hands." While I say this gently, my face is made of steel. One of the mistakes I seem to have made in this life is allowing my sons ambitions to grow to large.

Jinhai and I carefully make our way out of the twisting roots of the forest onto a dirt path. We finally see the great blue sky with only the smallest of clouds and I cannot help but think of how lucky I am. I am at peace.


	3. Chapter 2: Second life-Conflict

Chapter 2:

Ehehehehe I'm alive! I'm going to do 3rd person from now one because 1st person is a pain in the butt. We finally get to see who she is in this life! Also the end of the Xing arc! Let me know what you think! Also I will put a poll up to see if anyone wants a spin off, or explanation, or if they want the story to progress faster about certain things! Enjoy~

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As she made her way down the tightly packed dirt road, she couldn't help but reminisce about a time when there had been nothing but barren land for miles. She had only the clothes on her back, some seeds, and a child in her belly. She had built a village that had influences in the capitol from her own sweat and blood. Now the child that she loved so much wanted to raze her village, her hard work, to the ground like some common thief? She should think not.

All too soon they reached the village gates, stained bright red with a paint and pride. In it she had etched a symbol form a once remembered cartoon, or perhaps a vivid hallucination from childhood drama. The swirling symbol reminded one of a monsoon, with overlapping circles and curving lines.

"Hello mǔ qīn" a voice so cold that even Kami would have gotten frost bite said.

The speaker was on a black stallion with a white spot in the shape of a circle on its forehead. The man on the horse was akin to a crow. His skin was like cinnamon and his black hair sticking up in a halfhearted attempt at a style was almost comical, but his eyes told a different story. If one stared too deep in to his hazel eyes one might be cut and burned at once for the fires that raged in them burned to brightly for any compassion.

"Dagang. Welcome home my son. How have you been" she replied cordially, the steel never leaving her eyes.

The man on the horse scoffed.

"Please spare me the pleasantries. You know why I have come" he said with a fire in his eyes.

"As much as I will always love you my dearest child, you know my answer will always be no. The stone of life is not something to be messed with. Least the spirits bring ruin to us all. Besides I have already given the emperor a suitable gift for uniting the clans." she returned with eyes like ice.

Cruel and ugly laughter rang through the village, causing the villagers that had gathered to shiver in fear.

"Please mǔ qīn, we both know that the fool of an emperor would not have been able to do anything without you." he said with great disdain and a wrinkle of his nose. "Do not insult my intelligence, I have abandoned that weak emperor in search of eternal life."

The old woman gaped at his declaration in disbelief and _painpainpain_ , because she failed him and she knew it. Surely, she thought, no child of hers would ever be so selfish and stupid. Her hands twitched with the desire to hit the man over the head with a stool. Just as she was about to speak, she felt a nudge in the back of her head, one that she had only felt once before as a child.

'It is your choice child; you may decide what this world needs. A madman in search of that which he does not understand and will die for, or a great evil should that man reach what he desires.' The voice said to her, resonating with something deep in her soul. The woman gave no indication she heard the voice but acknowledged it. She knew what she had to do but her heart ached at the thought of her beautiful child, her firstborn going to such reaches of madness. The child she had loved from the moment she laid eyes on him, the one that would never know the love of another or the happiness of what the world had to offer. But she knew and in the end she would not regret her decision.

"My child I am so sorry for what you have become. I wish I could have saved you from this pain. I wish I could have been a better mother to you. But I cannot let you have what you desire" she said, resigned, eyes full of pity and bitter sadness.

Just for a moment the man's eyes flashed with some strange emotion, and disappeared as the last positive emotion he would have for a long time. In an instant, his face became twisted into an enraged sneer.

"Ha. Like it would have mattered. You only think of your precious village. Now give me what I seek or the village you love so much will be burned to the ground with its people." He growled.

Even as the treat left his mouth, the woman was already leaping to action. In a single motion her frail, brown hands transmuted a long boa staff from the earth. This she used to push the two men besides Dagang off their horses.

The men fell to the ground with bulging eyes full of disbelief, and created small craters where they fell. The villagers were on them in seconds. Both men being held down and tied up. Across from them the old woman and young man faced off. The man had just finished drawing a few kunai from his sleeves, each one had dark blue ribbons on the end. He quickly flicked them into a circle around the woman, muttering a few words under his breath. Blue light filled the space where the woman was standing, the woman tched and jumped away before a great spike of stone punched through the earth where she stood.

"You know mǔ qīn I will never know how you manage alkahestry with only a clap of your hands. Perhaps you have the stone of life with you. In that case-" he spoke from behind gritted teeth.

While the woman was distracted the man drew the five-point purification star behind himself. Now all he had to do was draw his mother into it and destroy her. Unbeknownst to the man the woman could see his movements, she always could when it came to alkahestry. So instead she discreetly pulled a spoil of wire from her sleeve and tied a kunai to the end of it. She would end this quickly.

As the man jumped from his positon, the woman threw five kunai at him, each one missing. The man smirked down at her and just as he was about to land a kick to her head, the wire snapped around him like a coiling snake.

"You always did despise observing your opponent before diving into a fight Dagang" the woman said with a resigned sigh.

She truly did not know if she had it in her to kill him. Because she _lovedlovedloved_ him so much and he was _her_ baby boy, she couldn't hurt him. So she turned to him, her bitter boy and let out a sigh and listened to his cures full of fire and destruction.

"Damn you, Damn you to the furthest corners of this realm." He spit, words like acid from his mouth.

He glared at her, the village, and people around them like it was their fault and somehow he could be set them on fire with just a glance. He knew deep inside that it would not end well but damnit he wanted that stone. He didn't want to die and face the blackblackblack of death. It scared him, scared him so much that he couldn't function from the fear.

"Just go, go and know that if you ever return I will kill you. Dagang I am sorry for what you have become" said the woman her voice full of pain.

Even though she sounded so frail her eyes were filled with certainty. The man looked up at her for the last time and all she saw was rage and fear and she knew that he would never be saved. The two henchmen who were stripped of all their weapons stood up and quickly dragged their master into the woods. Their horses soon followed. With that the village erupted into cheers, each man and woman looking at each other in triumph. All but the old woman and the young child who could feel her sadness.

The younger boy in the orange happi was shaking behind his grandmother. He did not know what was going on, only that his uncle was scary and his grandmother was the bravest person he ever knew. As he looked up at his idol he smiled like the sun and the woman smile back. He hoped that he could be as amazing as his grandma someday. For his name was Jinhai Yao of the esteemed Yao clan.

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Hehe betcha saw that coming. Yep she's the one who made the Yao clan as in Ling Yao the emperor of Xing in FMA(B). Little Jinhai is supposed to be Ling's ancient ancestor. All names and foreign words are traditional Chinese because canonically the people of Xing speak traditional Chinese.

*Happi is an overcoat like what Ling in the anime wears

*Jinhai means Golden ocean

*Dagang means intelligent/strong/hard

* mǔ qīn is the formal way of saying mother in traditional Chinese

*Kunai is like ninja knives (like what May Chang uses)

Please review and tell me what you like or don't like!


	4. goodbye

Hi everyone this update is to tell you I am committing suicide, right now. I have taken a poisonous substance and hopefully I won't be alive for long. Sorry I won't be able to finish these stories. If anyone wants to adopt them please feel free. If you want any of the extensive notes I have on all of these stories please email theglowcloud13  and hopefully one of my family members will be kind enough to email you my notes. I'm sorry I'm not strong enough to continue. Goodbye.


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